Why Women Get Stuck in Sin

If you have any questions, comments or criticisms on this or any other topic, please feel free to let me know. It is easier for me to pick topics if I have your feedback. Thanks again for reading. I hope that you find a blessing here, and may the Lord be with you.

In several of my sermons, I discussed the existence of a hormone, oxytocin, which, in women, psychologically bonds them to the man with whom they have intimate sexual contact. Bonding in the male is generally a matter of decision, but bonding in the female is influenced to an exceptional degree by this hormone in her body that is stimulated by intimate contact.

I was recently asked if it was possible that if a woman has loved and lost (that first love, which would have been the first/strongest bond) that they could be incapable of bonding again, or worse yet too afraid, for fear of being hurt or even devastated again?

Let me give you some Biblical insight about this question:

Deuteronomy 22:13-15, 20-21
13 “If any man takes a wife, and goes in to her, and detests her,
14 and charges her with shameful conduct, and brings a bad name on her, and says, ‘I took this woman, and when I came to her I found she was not a virgin,’
15 then the father and mother of the young woman shall take and bring out the evidence of the young woman’s virginity to the elders of the city at the gate.
20 “But if the thing is true, and evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman,
21 then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel, to play the harlot in her father’s house. So you shall put away the evil from among you.

Seems sort of harsh, doesn’t it? God tells us to throw away a perfectly good young woman just because she had sex before marriage. If we have to stone all the women that have sex before marriage, we’re going to run out of rocks!

But this passage of Scripture makes the point about women being damaged by having sex with someone to whom they are not married. God recommends that we stone women that do not bring virginity to the marriage bed and He recommends, in another passage of Scripture, that we stone adulterous women as well. God’s practical point is that such women that have sex with someone other than their husbands are damaged beyond repair, so the best thing to do is just kill them.

The chemical bonding that women have by God’s design is supposed to bond them with their husbands. And yes, this bonding does make women less likely to be able to function adequately on a sexual level and to bond with their husband if they have had sex, good, bad or indifferent, before marriage. That’s why the selection process is probably the most important part of marriage. God says, in Deuteronomy, that if a man inadvertently marries a woman who has had sex before marriage, he gets a do-over, provided he can find some rocks. So yes, a woman that is not a virgin when she married may be incapable of bonding with her husband.

But, that’s not the end of the story. John 8:3-11 tells us:
3 Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to [Jesus] a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst,
4 they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act.
5 Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?”
6 This they said, testing [Jesus], that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear.
7 So when they continued asking [Jesus], He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”
8 And again [Jesus] stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9 Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”
11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”

Jesus Christ died on Calvary’s Cross so that sins could be forgiven. When Jesus forgives us, He does more than “let us off the hook”. Jesus restores us. So Jesus told the men to go examine their consciences, He saved the woman taken in adultery from irreparable damage, and restored her. Jesus does not just save us from the penalty of sin; He saves us from the power of sin as well.

So the problem with psychological bonding caused by improper sexual contact can be fixed by forgiveness. Not the forgiveness of the husband or wife, but the forgiveness of Jesus. 1John 1:9 tells us:

9 If we confess our sins, [Jesus] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

But only if we confess our sins. Many women get stuck in sin, even if they don’t continue sinning, because they don’t want to acknowledge that their sin is their fault. Women get stuck in sin because they want to see themselves as victims, rather than as perpetrators. They blame the man with whom they sinned for their sin, and want to whitewash their contribution to their sinful situation. To say, “I did it, but it wasn’t my fault”, is not confessing sin, but casting blame. Until a person is on the ground before Jesus, acknowledging the fact that their situation is their fault, that although someone may have tempted them to sin their decision to sin was their own responsibility, Jesus cannot cleanse them and restore them. And that’s logical; how could Jesus cleanse you for someone else’s sin?

So, when a person that commits sexual sin says, “Yes, my sin was my fault. Someone else may have tempted me to sin, but I am the one that made the decision to sin. I may have been seduced, but to have sex was my decision, the outcome is my responsibility, and I can’t blame anyone but myself.”, then Jesus can forgive them and cleanse them from all unrighteousness.

And if we are cleansed, we have to accept Jesus’ forgiveness and let the past go. We can’t be mad at our ex-partner any more, having acknowledged that in the final analysis, our sin was our fault. And we should stop punishing our current partner for the sins of our past partner; our current partner is innocent. If Jesus has forgiven us, we should forgive ourselves and our past partner, and punishment is no longer an issue. The key to our restoration by Jesus Christ is forgiveness. Jesus Christ died that our sins might be forgiven.

Bonding, Cleansing, Confession, Forgiveness, Oxytocin, Repentence, Virginity