The Remedy for Abortion, Part 2

In my last blog on the subject of abortion, I tried to make the point that the only people that have control over the abortion rate in the Black community are those people actually having the abortions. Legally, a child’s father has no control over the decision of the woman that he impregnated as to whether she will have an abortion or not. Were I to impregnate my wife today and she decided to have an abortion tomorrow, I could not legally stop her. However, in my experience, which I stipulate is certainly not universal, a woman that decides to obtain an abortion would have second thoughts about it if the man that impregnated her actually married her and promised to love, honor and cherish her as long as they both live. On Facebook, one of the ladies responding to the original abortion article wrote:

IF THE BLACK MAN WOULD STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND DO THEIR JOB…AND STOP BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE MAYBE THIS (abortion problem) WOULDNT BE THE CASE…TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS AND THE WOMAN WOULDN’T BE FORCED INTO MAKING SUCH A DARK AND PAINFUL DECISION.

I understand her frustration, and it is intuitively obvious that men should take care of their pregnant girlfriends. But the fact remains that human life originates in a woman’s body, over which the woman has total control and thus cannot avoid the sole responsibility for her decision to abort. The cogent question then becomes: Why do so many Black women insist on having sex with men that have made no commitment to them and have no intention of making one? Since Black women are free to choose with whom they have sex, why do so many of them choose men that refuse to “step up to the plate?”

The answer to my question is found in the definition of the word “love”. Ladies, please concentrate on that which I am writing so that you can take in this concept as you read it.

Men are attracted by physical stimuli, sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. When a man finds a woman attractive to all of his senses, he is fully aroused by her, and he calls the feeling of desire for intimate contact with her “love”. Ladies, men consider sexual attraction to be “love”. To a man, “love” is a physical stimulus which has nothing to do with the decision process required to make a marital commitment. To a man, “love” and “marriage” are two completely different things.

In my sermon of January 3^rd, 2010, The Biblical Design of Gender, Part 6, which you can read or listen to on familylifebc.com, I spent some time describing a nubile young woman at the First Friday ballroom set in Grand Rapids, Michigan, who did the “Wobble” hustle in an extremely, shall we say, “coordinated” manner, She did not know how to ballroom, but her “Wobble” captured the attention of several experienced ballroom dancers. After her “Wobble”, she received quite a few private lessons on ballroom dancing from the various instructors. I doubt, however, if any of the fellows paying attention to her actually took her home unless they were robbing the cradle, because she appeared to be about twenty-five years old or so, and these guys were at least fifty years of age, if not older.

But, my point is that men can be driven to distraction by the physical attractiveness of a woman without thinking of any commitment to her whatsoever. As I said in my sermon of January 10^th, 2010, The Biblical Design of Gender, Part 7, to a man, sexual contact with a woman outside of marriage is analogous to a test driving a car. Just because you take the car for a spin doesn’t mean that you are going to actually buy the car, or even that you can afford it. Ladies, I hope you are still reading carefully.

Women, however, are different. The hormonal system of a woman contains a chemical known as oxytocin which chemically bonds women to those with whom they come into intimate contact. Men are attracted physically, but women are bonded physically. Quoting from Unprotected, a book concerning women’s psychological problems caused by their college sexual experiences:

Here’s how one neuropsychologist put it: “You first meet him and he’s passable. The second time you go out with him, he’s OK. The third time you go out with him, you have sex. And from that point on you can’t imagine what life would be like without him…What’s behind it? It could be oxytocin.”

The physiological explanation is that oxytocin addictively bonds women to the one that stimulates them sexually. Oxytocin release is cited as the reason for the formation of the bond between mother and child caused by breastfeeding, and, of course, the bond to the man that stimulates the woman’s breasts and genitals during sexual relations. Love, to a woman, means bonding.

So, when a man is physically attracted to a woman, he thinks “love”, as in “test drive”, and when a woman is stimulated by a man, she thinks “love”, as in “bonding”. Ladies, this is God’s design. Animals share these gender traits with humans. The woman on Facebook sees men as unreasonable because men do not bond with women after sex in the way that women bond with men. Her error is that she does not realize that God did not design men as women without breasts and God did not design women as men with them, but God designed men and women to be completely different, anatomically, intellectually and hormonally, and to see “love” in completely different ways.

Ladies, if you have sex with a man, you will probably bond with him, unless something is physically wrong with your endocrine system or your oxytocin delivery system is blocked. But the man may or may not bond with you, depending upon his point of view. And God, who designed the differences between male and female, compensated for those animal differences by telling us to use our magnificent brains and follow the instructions that He gives us in His Word. Hebrews 13:4 tells us:
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

God instructs us to marry before we have sex because, by design, men are not bonded to women by a sexual experience; men are only bonded to women by their decision to marry them. If you need Biblical proof of my assertion, read the story of Ammon, Tamar and Absalom in 2Samuel 13. Ladies, you may be as fine as May wine in the summertime, but as fine as you are, your contours are not going to bond a man to you. I don’t care if you have eyes like diamonds, teeth like pearls, long, black wavy hair on your head  laying in curls. Until the man makes a marital commitment to you, he is just test driving your car.

In Hebrews 13:4, God is telling us that to have sex outside of wedlock is a bad decision. It is an exceptionally bad decision for women. And that includes a woman that shacks up, which means a woman that shares living quarters and responsibilities with a man to whom she is not legally married. Ladies, don’t shack up with a man hoping that he will marry you; shacking up doesn’t bond a man to you either. It’s true that if he pays some of your living expenses, he is no longer on a test drive. What he is doing is just borrowing your car. But whether you are a test drive or a loaner, at the end of the day, the car still belongs to you. If the car gets wrecked, I hope you have insurance, because the guy is not going to want to pay for the repairs on your car. He’ll take care of his own car, meaning his wife, but if you loan your car to the guy, he expects you to carry insurance on your own car yourself. That’s what abortion is all about.

Roe v. Wade did not give rights to women, but rather license to men. If you actually think that you should fight for the “right” to have somebody charge you cash money to stick a surgical clamp into your private parts, and then grab something that is connected and growing inside of you, physically attached to your organs and your bloodstream, and pull it out, not cut it out mind you, but just yank it out in pieces, you, my friend, have been bamboozled. What’s next? Piercing a hole in your tongue?

Ladies, you ask, “Why don’t men step up to the plate?” Well, men only feel obligated to step up to the plate after they join the team, and the man has not joined your team until he marries you. God makes it clear that marriage before sex is the only way that a woman can insure that the man ever actually joins the team. It is not uncommon for a man to have sex or shack up with a woman for years, never marry her, and then marry someone else. Ladies, mature men don’t really want to marry women with whom they can have sex without marriage; if you’ll have sex with me without us being married, with how many other men will you have sex without marriage?

Men only really value that for which they have to work. The easier you are, the less a man values you. Those old ladies that told you to save yourself for marriage were right. The real solution to the abortion problem is for Black women to respect themselves enough to hold out for being bought, rather than just being test driven or a loaner. Don’t have sex with him until he marries you.

Abortion, Bonding, Love, Marriage, Physical Attractiveness