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Whose Fault Is It?

  • December 15th, 2009 by Pastor Darryl Curtis   |  0 Comments

            My wife Marie and I took up ballroom dancing in 2008. We’ve learned a few moves, and we go out to dance at the various clubs and dance venues in Lansing and the surrounding area. Often, in my sermons, I talk about the inequity between men and women at the dances. Since I only dance with my wife, she gets to dance on any song that she wishes. Many of the single ladies don’t get to dance very often, because they don’t have a partner. As a matter of fact, the reason that hustles are the most popular ballroom dances is that they give the ladies without a partner a chance to dance.

            I commented on this in my last sermon, and I received a question from someone that listened to my sermon on the Internet as to whether or not it was the ladies’ fault that they do not have partners. In my sermon, I said “God says that we ought not separate. However, the devil’s design for us is that we obtain partners, but then that we find some reason to be dissatisfied with the partners that we have so that we break up.”

            Although the devil tempts us to be dissatisfied with our partners, we can choose to do so or not.

            One woman was dissatisfied with her husband because he left his dirty socks on the floor. “Why, oh why”, she complained, “can’t you remember to put your socks in the hamper? You can remember all sorts of information about your job, but you can’t remember to put your socks in the hamper. I wish that you would just put your socks in the hamper so that I wouldn’t have to pick them up every day.”
            For years, she complained about having to pick up her husband’s socks. They stayed together, although she nagged and complained about the socks. After twenty five years of marriage, the man had a heart attack and died.  The wife had visitors and relatives to her home to comfort her in her bereavement for several days, but, on the day after the funeral, she found herself at home alone. She went up to her bedroom, and finally, there were no dirty socks on the floor. She realized that she had been granted the wish that she had wished so often. Her husband would never leave his socks on the floor again.

             I hope you understand that which I mean about being dissatisfied. If your husband or wife is committing adultery, drinking to excess, spending money irresponsibly, or doing something else seriously detrimental to your marriage, those actions need to be addressed. But married couples often fall out about things that are not really serious, or fail to show love to one another because they are mad about something that is really insignificant in the greater scheme of things. Before you complain, think and get some perspective. Ask yourself: Is this problem so serious that I want it fixed even if it costs me my relationship? If the answer is “no”, then maybe complaining is not the right tactic to use. Pick up the socks and smile, because the socks on the floor mean that you have a husband. Or maybe you could try a different tactic. Rather than complaining, try using your feminine wiles. Tell your husband “I’ll make love to you every night you pick up your socks without my asking.” You might get a different result. Momma used to say that you can catch more flies with sugar than you can with, uh, I mean, you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.

            Jesus says, in John 13:34-35:
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

            Jesus’ disciples forsook Him when He was being arrested; Peter, the leader of the disciples, denied Jesus in the very shadow of the Cross. When Jesus rose, the disciples did not believe the testimony of the women that first saw Him. Even after the other disciples testified that they saw Jesus, Thomas refused to believe their testimony until he touched Jesus himself. There was not a lot of faith in Jesus Christ among His own disciples, but Jesus served the disciples, even after His resurrection, until they came to a saving knowledge of Him. That’s love. Jesus could have been dissatisfied with the disciples, as motley a crew that they were, but Jesus persevered until the disciples matured and provided inspired leadership for the Church.

            Love takes perseverance. Is it the single ladies’ fault that they are single? Maybe not, but whenever anyone is in a relationship, it is their responsibility to make the relationship pleasant for the other person. In my sermon, my takeaway point was that the best marriage in the world is the one in which each partner has the objective of helping their spouse have the best day that they can. People should not marry until they understand that the purpose of marriage is to make life better for your spouse every day. If you do all that you can to make your spouses’ life better, I doubt seriously that you will have the “single lady” problem unless you marry a sociopath or a narcissist.

            No, it may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility. You wouldn’t throw away your car because someone scratched it; don’t throw away a perfectly good husband just because he has a flaw. Love one another, even as Jesus loves us.

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